Frozen bird, lumpy gravy, an oven that won't fit it all. Text the question, get the fix in seconds, from the cook who wrote the planner. Free. No app, no sign-up.
Food-safety answers follow the USDA. On the day, the USDA's own hotline is 1-888-674-6854 (8am to 2pm Eastern).

Chef's answers to what goes wrong every year. The times match his recipes, so they line up with your plan.
Put it in its wrapper, breast down, in a sink or cooler of cold water. Allow 30 minutes a pound and change the water every 30 minutes (a 14 lb bird takes about 7 hours), then cook it right away. Out of time? Roast it from frozen: it's safe and takes about half again as long. Pull the giblet bag out once it loosens, about 2 hours in. Never thaw it on the counter.
At 350°F, about 13 minutes a pound for a bird that isn't stuffed: 12 lb about 2 hr 40 min, 14 lb about 3 hours, 18 lb about 4 hours, 22 lb about 4 hr 45 min. Start checking 45 minutes early, then rest it 40 minutes. A stuffed bird takes 30 to 45 minutes longer, which is one reason to bake the stuffing in a dish.
Use an instant-read thermometer, not the pop-up timer. The thickest part of the breast should read 155 to 160°F and the thigh, away from the bone, 170 to 175°F. The breast climbs past 165°F, the USDA's safe number, while it rests 40 minutes under loose foil. Pink near the bone is fine once the temperatures are there.
Good news: it holds. Tent it with foil and lay a couple of clean towels over it. A big bird stays hot for an hour, and the empty oven is now free for the sides. Longer than that, carve it, lay the slices in a pan with a ladle of warm stock, cover with foil and keep it in a 200°F oven.
Take the bird out, cut the legs off at the hip joint, and put them back in the oven at 400°F on a sheet pan for 15 to 25 minutes, until the thigh reads 170 to 175°F. Let the breast rest under foil meanwhile. Nobody will know, and the breast stays juicy.
Whisk it hard over low heat for a minute. Still lumpy? Blend it with a stick blender right in the pot, or pour it through a fine strainer and press the lumps through with a spoon. Then simmer it 2 minutes and taste for salt.
Too thin: simmer it 5 to 10 minutes, or stir 1 tablespoon cornstarch into 2 tablespoons cold water, whisk it into 2 cups of simmering gravy and cook 1 minute. Too thick: whisk in hot stock a splash at a time. Greasy: let it sit a minute and spoon the fat off the top.
About 1¼ pounds a person, 1½ if you want leftovers: 14 lb for 10 to 11 people, 18 lb for 14. For more than 18 lb of turkey, roast two smaller birds or add a turkey breast. They cook faster and more evenly than one giant.
Use the turkey's rest. It needs 40 minutes out of the oven (it can go an hour), so turn the oven up to 375 to 400°F and bake the sides then, adding about 10% to the time for each extra dish. Mash potatoes on the stove, keep them warm in a slow cooker, and hold finished dishes in a cooler lined with towels. The free planner works out the oven schedule for your menu.
Yes, it's safe. Roast it at 350°F; it takes about half again as long as a thawed bird (about 4½ hours for 14 lb). After about 2 hours, pull out the neck and giblet bag with tongs, then season it. Check the breast and thigh with a thermometer: 160°F and 175°F.
If it was paper, just pull it out: the turkey is fine. If it was a plastic bag and it melted or changed shape, the USDA says don't eat the turkey or the giblets. If the plastic is intact, take it out and carry on.
Get them in the fridge within 2 hours of dinner, in shallow containers, with the meat off the bone. They're good 3 to 4 days, or 2 to 4 months in the freezer. Reheat to steaming hot, and bring gravy to a full boil.
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Photo: Patrick Fitzgerald, CC BY 2.0.
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